Cognitive Dissonance

To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
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The Shakespearean Prince Hamlet in his soliloquy above talks about his indecisiveness. There are conflicting views among the literary intelligentsia on which one is the to be option and which is the not to be. I feel facing the highs and lows of life seems the more difficult to be option, and the braver option of taking up arms and fighting against and dying is the not to be. Hamlet continues in his monologue and observes that death is not an absolute annihilation and end of problems, you might still dream and God knows what you'll dream about and what dilemmas you might face therein. So the decision-making might never end.

Thoughts flutter. They make you fall in situations you need to make a decision. You have both the choices equally viable, both of them seem right, you have a tough time deciding which way to choose. You have a fight within yourself. You try to logically eliminate one of the options available, but you always have the fear of thoughts quivering and you regretting on The Road Not Taken at a later point in life.

There is another kind of situation you tend to fall in, which is more difficult than to-be-or-not-to-be. That is one after you have made a decision. Thoughts still flutter. You've made a decision but are unable to stick to it. It is not necessarily between the good and the bad, the two options available may be equally right or equally wrong. Correctness is anyway a relative concept. You choose one from the two roads equally travelled, and since there is no one less traveled by, there is nothing that has made all the difference. But two things cannot be the same, and you end up struggling with yourself.

Or, you know you've made a wrong move, but you tend to find excuses to yourself trying to justify your decision. Thoughts flutter again and you have a battle within yourself. Usually it is a tussle between the heart and the head. Invariably the heart wins, and the head ends up helping the heart win by providing excuses to you. A case of induced compliance without sufficient justification. The cognizance of your acts being against your own (and that of others') wellbeing makes you fall to abysmal depths and think very low of you. The moment you try to get up and stand against, something comes up that forces you to give in yet again. The more you give in, the more troubled you feel, the deeper you fall, and more difficult it becomes to emerge from the recesses of depression and self-criticism, and the more prone you become to giving in. A vicious circle follows, the exit from which is visible to you but you are not strong enough to follow the path. All this could have been avoided had you nipped it in the bud. Had you not let the uncomfortable feeling of dissonance come in the first place.

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